retrouvaille
by callieincali
Summary: retrouvaille- (n.) the joy of meeting or finding someone again after a long separation; rediscovery


**A/N: look i wrote this about fifteen minutes before the episode started and then i changed the whole thing to make it more canon, but it just didn't flow as well with kady already knowing that julia wasn't in the clean room anymore. just pretend you don't notice? thanks.**

 **i've never written a headcanon/future canon type fic so i hope i didn't butcher this too badly.**

A fist pounding against Kady's apartment door was the interruption that broke her from her sleep at what seemed to be the darkest hour of the night.

Had it been any other night, Kady would have muttered a few laments, flipped over, and gone back to bed with a pillow over her ear, but a tugging in her chest convinced her to stay awake.

She turned over and squinted at the bright clock on her nightstand, finding it to be half-past two in the morning, an ungodly hour to receive house guests.

But, truth be told, Kady found the ruckus to be a welcome distraction from her restless sleep, which had become a newly common occurrence since the night she left Julia locked inside The Clean Room.

It wasn't that she missed Julia (although she'd be lying if she said that wasn't part of the problem) as much as, she couldn't get her off her mind. Without fail, every time she closed her eyes, her thoughts found it necessary to replay her last moments with the girl; the yelling, the arguing, the way she called for Kady for a solid ten minutes after the sliding window was shut.

At that point, her guilt had passed the line of overwhelming and started to dip its toes into being completely unbearable.

Each second that passed since last seeing Julia, Kady felt more and more sympathetic towards Penny, for she now knew exactly what it was like to have voices playing through her mind. (She also realized how tempting it was to relapse on drugs, just hearing them.)

Despite all this, she shoved the irritating thoughts away, pushing onto her hands and blinking the blurriness from her eyes just as the knocking returned, this time carrying a far more frantic tone.

Briefly, she remembered being in a similar position a week or so before (because apparently, she was incapable of doing anything without relating it to the girl that had left a gaping hole in her chest), being awoken to frantic pounding against a door.

Any normal person would most likely have felt fearful towards the idea of someone at their door in the middle of the night, but with the wonders of battle magic on her side, Kady was almost never intimidated by what most people feared. Regardless, she did feel a twinge of apprehension as she swung her feet around and stepped out of bed.

 _Julia couldn't breathe._

 _She couldn't breathe, couldn't speak, couldn't process any of the intense pressure falling on her like a pile of bricks._

 _She didn't recognize the heaviness in her chest at first, not until the weight fizzled into searing heat, mimicking the feeling of swallowing a cup of hot water. She felt the sensation spread through her limbs, unintentionally causing her hands to coil into fists._

 _Quentin was saying something from beside her, probably asking how she felt, but the ringing in her ears drowned out any of the words he was attempting to speak._

 _A hand fell to her shoulder and the emotion grew, quickening her breath and making her legs shake at the idea that someone was_ touching _her. She spun away from whoever it was, stumbling as she did so and falling forward onto her knees._

 _Had her teeth not been clenched, she would have growled at them to get the fuck off of her, but settled on bringing her hands to her head (which was suddenly consumed by a massive headache) and groaning pathetically._

 _As if a lightbulb clicked on in her head, she immediately found the emotion she was feeling to be anger. She was furious. Furious, not at Quentin or Dean Fogg, but herself. If she wasn't in danger of looking like an idiot, she would have slapped herself for being so stupid._

 _Questions without answers were swirling inside her, wondering how she let herself do the things she did without her shade. She almost killed her best friend. All for her own, selfish benefit. Shade or not, how had she been unable to recognize that?_

 _Tears were on her cheeks before she realized she was even crying, dripping down her face and falling to the ground below her._

 _If she kept her eyes closed, she could have been convinced she was drowning in all the emotional build-up. And even with the two people standing next to her, she never felt more alone._

The knocking didn't stop, didn't even pause while Kady made her way to the door, apathetic to the fact that the only clothes she had on were a pair of boy shorts and a loose fitting t-shirt, because if someone was going to visit her at two in the morning, they would have to deal with her disinterest in being properly clothed.

Even if she had a peephole, she would have disregarded it and gone straight to opening the door, but today, she hesitated at the doorknob, biting her lip at the unknown that awaited her.

Kady unlatched the lock, clenching her fists to quell the unreasonable amount of shaking they were doing, but only feeling the nervousness grow as the knocking from the other side came to a halt.

After a steadying sigh, she untwisted the knob and pulled the door open a crack, peeking into the dark hallway to see a familiar face standing in front of her.

 _"Jules, it's just me." Julia could finally hear Quentin assure her. The confirmation didn't help the way she was feeling in the slightest, and only added to the guilt she was swimming in._

 _She almost got him killed. Reynard almost killed him and Julia didn't even think twice about pushing him past the wards._

 _"Jules," he tried again, this time much closer than before, probably kneeling right next to her. She couldn't be sure, though, unable to see much with tunnel vision she was experiencing._

 _Part of her wanted to apologize. Part of her wanted to push him away. She didn't deserve his forgiveness. She didn't deserve any of anything he had done for her. And it physically hurt how badly she wished she could go back to not caring._

 _"Please, Quentin," she managed to choke out through her heavy breathing. "I can't do it." It wasn't clear what she was unable to do, not even to herself, but Quentin seemed to understand._

 _"I-I can't take it back." His unsure voice revealed he had momentarily considered the option, but concluded that he wouldn't follow through._

 _The anger swelled larger in her chest, making her wonder if a heart could beat so hard that it would eventually just stop altogether. If it could, hers was definitely going to and she couldn't help but wish it would happen sooner._

 _She'd messed everything up. Quentin probably hated her. Margo and Eliot definitely hated her, more so than ever before. Kady would most likely never forgive her._

 _Kady._

 _The image of the hurt girl's face appeared in front of her eyes. The girl had yelled at, when all she wanted to do was protect Julia from hurting anyone else. Kady was trying everything in her power to help Julia kill Reynard, and she ruined that, too. She ruined every single relationship with anyone that was willing to assist her._

 _But none of those relationships ending hurt as much as the thought of losing Kady._

 _"It's not your fault." She remembered Kady telling her from outside The Clean Room._

 _She just hoped the girl still believed that._

Initially, Kady allowed rage to consume her, already moving her hands in a way to set up a spell that would easily knock the girl in front of her off her feet.

But when Kady saw Julia- who should have been safely locked away inside a dungeon- with tears streaking the sides of her face, glimmering in the little light left in the hallways of the apartment complex, she stopped preparing the use of battle magic.

She pulled the door open farther, furrowing her brows out of sheer disbelief and confusion.

"Julia?"

"Kady," the names overlapped one another, followed by a tense silence as the two wordlessly decided who would speak first. Julia was the mutual decision. She was the one that had the explaining to do, anyway.

"I'm sorry." It was probably meant to be said with more volume, but what came out was just a high-pitched whisper.

The apology only heightened Kady's uncertainty. She had to be dreaming; that was the only logical explanation for what she was seeing.

Julia wouldn't be apologizing if she didn't have her shade back. And even if she did somehow regain her conscience, who let her out of The Clean Room and how did she end up in Kady's apartment complex?

While Kady didn't know the answers to all the questions she had, she did know that her hands were itching, not to hurt Julia, but to do something to rid the girl's face of the pitiful expression it was wearing.

Unable to stop the tug of sympathy she was feeling, Kady allowed the door to fully swing open, stepping back and extending her arm in a way that welcomed her into the room.

If it was a dream, the least Kady could do was make it a good one.

The shorter girl blinked a few times, staring up at Kady as if she couldn't believe that two simple words were enough to get her to cave.

(In Kady's defense, it _was_ two in the morning and she was well-aware that her normal, not-sleep-deprived brain wouldn't have succumbed as easily.)

But without much hesitation, Julia stepped inside, holding her gaze with the floor and sniffling quietly.

"I'm sorry." Julia repeated once they were seated a reasonable distance from one another on Kady's beat up couch. The words held more body than the previous utterance, as if Julia had forced herself to say it louder to ensure that her apology hadn't gone unheard.

"I told you, it wasn't your fault." Her breath caught in her throat, remembering (again) the exact words being said from the other side of an open window.

Julia was shaking her head, staring at her hands folded in her lap and muttering something inaudible to Kady.

"You don't have to forgive me. You _shouldn't_ forgive me." The girl mumbled, suddenly on her feet and facing away from Kady.

The statement only added to the tension in the room, and Kady's hands no longer itched to do something about it. Instead, her entire body burned in frustration about what she was holding back from doing.

"Well, I do. That wasn't you, Julia." She reiterated, leaving her seat on the couch, too. Julia momentarily stopped pacing the small space between the coffee table and the couch, allowing Kady the opportunity to close some of the distance between them. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth when she was standing directly behind Julia, close enough to grab her wrist and spin her around.

So, she did.

The touch sent hot sparks up her fingers, through her chest, where they found a permanent residence in her cheeks.

Julia gasped at the movement, eyes desperately scanning Kady's face before forcing her gaze to her feet, once again.

"You're forgiven." Something between a choked sob and a sigh of relief responded, filling the taller girl's stomach with immense heartache. She couldn't bear to watch Julia cry.

Abruptly, Kady remembered her grip still around Julia's wrist and used the position to her advantage, tugging the brunette closer and snaking an arm around the tops of her shoulders.

Julia fell into the embrace, first allowing Kady's other arm to find its way around her before following suit and interlocking her hands at the middle of the other girl's back.

It was silent aside from Julia's unsteady breathing, which had slowly begun to even out the longer her head rested against Kady's shoulder.

"I don't deserve it." Julia decided, slightly muffled by the fabric of the shirt Kady was wearing.

"You've already been through things you didn't deserve. Just add this to the list." A smile accompanied the playful remark, and even Julia managed a short laugh, temporarily tightening her grip around Kady's chest.

And although there was residual bitterness looming over Kady, she refused to act on it, unable to stop her hand from finding its way to Julia's hair and brushing through it.

And, god, if it was a dream, Kady never wanted to wake up, perfectly content with holding Julia in her arms indefinitely.

But while the hug separated moments later, the full feeling blossoming in Kady's heart reminded her that it would be the only separation she would have to endure from Julia for a while. The idea was enough to tug her lips into a genuine smile.

Her heart was no longer missing half of itself, and the previous heaviness in her stomach had dissipated completely. She was whole.

 _Julia could breathe again._

 **A/N: i'm (callieincali) on twitter if you wanna party with me. follow (wickoff_) too, she's rad and told me to write this, so go blame her for any emotional instability ! (:**


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